Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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