Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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