I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
