he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
