I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
