There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
