is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And then he peed in my hair
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