I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my shit smells like andre
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
