The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
