After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
