sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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