Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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