I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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