Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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