I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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