Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
