the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
