you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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