thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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