also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
