: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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