So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
