I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
