can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
