Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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