Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
