the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
