You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
