I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
