Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
