What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
