I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
