When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
