In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how can u be prego again
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
