U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm gonna have a badass scar
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
