the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Holy sore nipples Batman
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
