You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Randomize
