even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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