i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
