I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
