Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
