i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
