Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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