does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
