Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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