my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
