He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We left the knife in your bed.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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