I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
