The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
