I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
