handjob tips. give me some.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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