So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
