Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize