wat bout pragnant strippers??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
