I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Less talking, more tequila
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
