It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
