So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
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