Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
