he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
