he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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