Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
