I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
