When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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