I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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