I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize