At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
