did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
